5 minute management course

Discussion in 'Humorous Jokes, Stories or Pictures' started by gillettehunter, Jan 21, 2014.

  1. gillettehunter

    gillettehunter AH Fanatic

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    >>
    >>> Management Course
    >>> Lesson 1:
    >>>
    >>> A man is into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
    >>>
    >>> The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
    >>>
    >>> When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.
    >>>
    >>> Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
    >>>
    >>>
    >>> After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
    >>>
    >>>
    >>> The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
    >>>
    >>> When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
    >>>
    >>> 'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.
    >>>
    >>> 'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
    >>>
    >>>
    >>>
    >>> Moral of the story:
    >>>
    >>> If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
    >>>
    >>>
    >>>
    >>> Lesson 2:
    >>>
    >>>
    >>> A priest offered a Nun a lift.
    >>>
    >>> She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
    >>>
    >>> The priest nearly had an accident.
    >>>
    >>> After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg..
    >>>
    >>> The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
    >>>
    >>> The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
    >>> The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
    >>>
    >>> The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
    >>>
    >>> Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily
    >>> and went on her way.
    >>>
    >>> On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
    >>>
    >>> Moral of the story:
    >>> If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
    >>>
    >>>
    >>>
    >>> Lesson 3:
    >>>
    >>> A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
    >>>
    >>> They rub it and a Genie comes out.
    >>> The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
    >>> 'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
    >>> Puff! She's gone.
    >>>
    >>> 'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
    >>>
    >>> Puff! He's gone.
    >>>
    >>> 'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
    >>> The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after
    >>> lunch.'
    >>>
    >>>
    >>> Moral of the story:
    >>> Always let your boss have the first say.
    >>>
    >>> Lesson 4
    >>>
    >>>
    >>> An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
    >>>
    >>> A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
    >>> The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
    >>>
    >>> So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
    >>>
    >>> Moral of the story:
    >>> To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
    >>>
    >>>
    >>>
    >>>
    >>> Lesson 5
    >>>
    >>> A turkey was chatting with a bull.
    >>>
    >>> 'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
    >>> 'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'
    >>>
    >>> The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
    >>>
    >>> The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
    >>>
    >>> Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
    >>>
    >>> He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
    >>>
    >>>
    >>> Moral of the story:
    >>> Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..
    >>>
    >>>
    >>>
    >>> Lesson 6
    >>>
    >>>
    >>> A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
    >>>
    >>> While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
    >>>
    >>> As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
    >>>
    >>> The dung was actually thawing him out!
    >>>
    >>> He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
    >>> A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
    >>>
    >>> Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
    >>>
    >>>
    >>> Morals of the story:
    >>> (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
    >>>
    >>> (2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
    >>> friend.
    >>>
    >>> (3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep
    >>> your mouth shut!
    >>>
    >>>
    >>> THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
     
  2. Paw Print

    Paw Print SPONSOR AH Elite

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    Excellent!:clap:
     
  3. DOC-404

    DOC-404 AH Elite

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    ..is exactly what I taught my kids.. :biggrin2:
     
  4. hunting4sanity

    hunting4sanity AH Senior Member

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    Humor and wisdom both!
     
  5. RickB

    RickB AH Fanatic

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    Great!! Lol
     
  6. Stan-Elephant Trail

    Stan-Elephant Trail AH Veteran

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    :clap::clap::clap:
     
  7. Nyati

    Nyati AH Legend

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    :clap::clap::clap:
     
  8. gi jane

    gi jane BRONZE SUPPORTER AH Enthusiast

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    Brilliant!! If you don't mind I am going to share this. Do you know the author's name? Thanks!!!
     

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