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A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend who is ahead by a couple of strokes. "Boy, I'd give anything to sink this putt," the golfer mumbles to himself. Just then, a sinister looking stranger walks up beside the golfer and whispers, "To sink this putt, would you be willing to give up...

Our teacher asked what my favourite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favourite animal. I told my Dad what happened, and...

Beware of beer! Would you believe this about our favorite beverage of summer? Shocking! This is alarming & scary stuff! Beer contains female hormones! Yes, that's right, FEMALE hormones! Last month, Montreal University scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the...

So Spike brings his best mate home unannounced for dinner at 6:30 after work. His wife screams her head off while his friend sits open mouthed and listens to the tirade... "My bloody hair & makeup are not done, the house is a f****** mess, the dishes aren't done. Can't you see I'm still in...

THESE ARE ACTUAL COMPLAINTS RECEIVED BY "THOMAS COOK VACATIONS" FROM DISSATISFIED CUSTOMERS: 1. "On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food." 2. "They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very...

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter. The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the...

I will be spending my next few days hoping to nail poachers. To all of you less fortunate souls, stuck at home doing the ho-ho-ho stuff, I sincerely wish you and yours all the very best. Be safe and shoot straight. Cheers, Doc.

A handful of young children in Australia were asked what they thought of beer. There were some interesting responses... 'I think beer must be good. My dad says the more beer he drinks the prettier my mum gets.' --Tim, 7 years old. 'Beer makes my dad sleepy and we get to watch what we want on...

Robbers entered a bank in a small town. One of them shouted: "Don't move! The money belongs to the bank. Your lives belong to you." Immediately all the people in the bank laid on the floor quietly and without panic. This is an example of how the correct wording of a sentence can make everyone...

An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighbourhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk...

WALKING ON THE GRASS The room was full of pregnant women with their husbands. The instructor said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just pace yourself, make...

..this is what a scumbag piece of shit looks like.. http://news.howzit.msn.com/news-in-pics/disgraced-wildlife-experts-appear-for-rhino-slaughter?page=3

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.' Half an hour later, just by chance, a...

A guy is looking for a place to sit in a crowded university library. He asked a girl: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?" The girl replied in a loud voice: "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!" All the students in the library started staring at the guy; He was truly embarrassed and moved to...

An infinite loop is a computer programming concept, describing a situation of cause and effect that continues forever, one action causing another action that causes the first action etc. These loops never happen in real life, unless... A company CEO tells his secretary: "Next week we're going...

I've sat and watched this boy for hours...and then come the coward scum bastards.

There was a bit of confusion at Sportsmans Warehouse this morning. When I was ready to pay for my purchases of gun powder and bullets, the cashier said to me, "Strip down, facing me." Making a mental note to complain to our local newspaper about the gun registry people running amok, I did...

Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol. The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So y'all want to be cops, huh?" The blondes all nodded. The detective got up, opened a file drawer, and pulled out a...

LITTLE OLD LADY IN COURT Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age? Old Lady: I am 94 years old. Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st? Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring...

If you are, please PM me. I will be eternally grateful. Thanks, Doc.

Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes: Dear Grand-daughter, The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker .. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a...

In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied. A nurse noticed his predicament. Sir, she said ' You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall.' He did what he needed...

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk. Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag.”...

Harley-Davidson Facts. The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, 'Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward isthat you can hang out with anyone you want to in...

To Jerome and Wayne and whoever else may be involved, the new layout of our site looks great. Much more user-friendly. Well done guys and thanks for all the behind-the-scenes work that you put into making AH a great place to be. :clapping: :thumb: :first:

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: - Knowing when...

While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant and resumed their trip. When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table and she didn't miss them until they had been driving for...

Late last year I was asked to help a close PH friend with a wounded leopard. Sorted. Then I met the 'hunter' that caused the problem. At first, I thought the guy was just filthy-rich-spoilt-rotten, but it didn't take me long to realize that he was just too damn lazy to shit. And extremely unfit...

TEN BEST CADDY REMARKS #10 Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake." Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?" #9 Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course." Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of...

God Said, "Adam, I want you to do something for me." Adam said, "Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?" God said, "Go down into that valley." Adam said, "What's a valley?" God explained it to him. Then God said, "Cross the river." Adam said, "What's a River?" God...

The 26 Nosler ? Nosler Introducing 26 Nosler | Flat to 415

A man and his good wife are awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, asks "Can you gimme a push." "Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" He slams the door and...

Penny, a pretty, blonde, city girl, marries a Yorkshire dairy farmer. One morning, on his way out to check the fences, farmer John says to Penny, 'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the rail above the cow's stall in the barn. You show...

Elephant born in the river in Kruger National Park 2012! My friend asked me if I'd write up a bit about the experience I had in the Kruger National Park, when I lucked upon an amazing scene. I'd been driving north from Satara camp toward Letaba. It was a stinking hot day and, as it was...

The Royal Navy is proud to announce its new fleet of Type 45 destroyers . Having initially named the first two ships HMS Daring and HMS Dauntless, the Naming Committee has, after intensive pressure from the European Union in Brussels, renamed them HMS Cautious and HMS Prudence. The next five...

On a bitterly cold winter morning a husband and wife in Dublin were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the Snow ploughs can get through...

Hey Guys, I can't get any CCI BR2 primers anywhere here in the colonies. Which primers do you suggest I use that are comparable..? Thanks, Doc.

Got this e-mail this morning - maybe some of you guys could benefit.. :thumb: FINAL BOW DEPARTMENT CLOSURE - EVERYTHING MUST GO Safari & Outdoor Stellenbosch stefanvdl@so.co.za 0861114330 Safari & Outdoors's BOW DEPARTMENT IS PERMANENTLY CLOSED. All the stock is at the Stellenbosch...

Three strangers strike up a conversation in the passenger lounge in the Bozeman , Montana airport, while waiting for their respective flights.. One is an American Indian passing through from Lame Deer, another is a Cowboy on his way to Billings for a rodeo, and the third passenger is a...

A young cowboy sitting in a saloon one Saturday night recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who, in his day, had been the fastest gun in the West. The cowboy took a place next to the old-timer, bought him a drink and told him of his great ambition to be a great shot... 'Could you give...

Besides hunting for biltong (jerky) and poachers, I have always had a huge passion for long range plinking, especially at things that explode, pop or fall over... :biggrin2: Here are a few pic's of the latest toy, and a Taliban beer bottle that I de-capped at 450 yards yesterday. With a...

Jane, Sue and Mary haven't seen each other since high school. They rediscover each other via a reunion website and arrange to meet for lunch at a popular, but expensive, wine bar. Jane arrives first, wearing a beige Versace. She orders a bottle of Mezzacorona Pinot Grigio. Sue arrives shortly...