Free Hunt for One Hunter & One Observer from Lianga Safaris for 2016

A gynecologist tired of his profession, and wanting less responsibility, decided a career change was in order. After some serious thought, he decided that being an engine mechanic, something he had once enjoyed prior to college, would be a good choice. However, it had been a long time since he had tinkered with an engine and he knew that in order to compete with the younger workforce, he would have to go to school.
He enrolled in a technical institute that specialized in teaching auto mechanics. He aced the course, but the final exam required each student to completely strip and reassemble an engine. It was with some trepidation that he took the test. At completion, he turned the engine over to his instructors for evaluation and awaited his final grade.
When they were handed out, he did a double take at the 150% grade he received. Rather confused, he asked his instructors how it was possible to have a grade like this. "It is really quite simple," they said. "We gave you 50% for correctly disassembling the engine, 50% for correctly reassembling it, and an additional 50% for doing it all through the muffler."

I'm scared I passed.

BRICKBURN said:

I'm scared I passed.

Click to expand...

Chicken Sh!#!!!!!

hunter of the day... :-D

Weight Loss Program

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5lbs weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck..

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."

Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5lbs as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/10lbs program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me".

Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 10lbs as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/25 lbs program.

"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you are mine."

He lost 33 lbs that week..

A friend of mine asked what I was getting my wife for Christmas. I told him a new diamond ring. After a few minutes, he hadn't said anything. I felt obligated to ask "why, what are you getting your wife?" His response, "not a damn thing, she didn't use what I got her last year..." I asked, what did you get her? He said, "a funeral plot"....

Bob walked into a sports bar one night and sat down next to an attractive blonde at the bar. Moments later the evening news started playing on one of the TVs. The top story was of a man perched on the ledge of a tall building and threatening to jump. Bob said, “I bet he jumps” and laid a $20 bill on the bar. The blonde quickly said, “I’ll bet he doesn’t.” No sooner had the words left her mouth, when the man on TV jumped to his death. Handing her $20 to Bob the blonde sadly replied, “Fair is fair.” At this point Bob confessed, “I can’t take your money, I saw this story earlier on the 5 o’clock news.” The blonde responded, “I did too, but I didn’t think he’d do it again!”

"All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific."

"Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday."

"A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often."

Can a stupid person be a smart-ass?

hunting4sanity said:

Can a stupid person be a smart-ass?

Click to expand...

No he's just a dumb ass!!

"If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap. If you want happiness for a day, go fishing. If you want happiness for a month, get married. If you want happiness for a year, inherit a fortune. If you want happiness for a lifetime, help someone else." -- Chinese Proverb

Okay, so this one really isn't too humorous, but I thought it was interesting that a happy marriage only lasts a month - sometimes painfully true, but my wife has managed to put up with me for about 32 years so far.