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Free Hunt for One Hunter & One Observer from Lianga Safaris for 2016
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Silence
AH enthusiast
Mother Superior called a young novice into her office one evening. ''Now dear, I want you to give the Father his nightly bath. You are to do as he tells you and be sure to report to me in the morning,'' she said. The novice agreed to do as she was told and went to prepare the Father's bath. Doing as she was told, the novice washed the Father's hair and back. While she was doing this the Father told the novice that he had the key to heaven. The Father told her that if his key to heaven fit her gate, she would be saved.
The next morning the novice entered Mother Superior's office.
''So how did it go last night dear? He didn't try anything on you, did he?'' she asked.
''Oh, Mother, it was wonderful! I did exactly as you told me to and when I was giving him his bath he told me the HE has the KEY TO HEAVEN! I was amazed, and he went on to tell me that if his key fit my gate, I would be saved. And Mother, his key FIT my gate! And it was the most beautiful thing in the world!''
And the Mother said, ''Damn that man! He told me it was Gabriel's horn and I've been blowing it for 40 years!''
The next morning the novice entered Mother Superior's office.
''So how did it go last night dear? He didn't try anything on you, did he?'' she asked.
''Oh, Mother, it was wonderful! I did exactly as you told me to and when I was giving him his bath he told me the HE has the KEY TO HEAVEN! I was amazed, and he went on to tell me that if his key fit my gate, I would be saved. And Mother, his key FIT my gate! And it was the most beautiful thing in the world!''
And the Mother said, ''Damn that man! He told me it was Gabriel's horn and I've been blowing it for 40 years!''
Silence
AH enthusiast
One day Stan comes home from a hard day at work. He sees his wife bending down to clean the floor under the sofa. So Stan goes over to his wife and starts f&*king her from behind. After he finishes, he gives her a hard smack to the head.
His wife yells, ''What was that for!?''
To which Stan replies, ''That's for not checking to see who it was.''
His wife yells, ''What was that for!?''
To which Stan replies, ''That's for not checking to see who it was.''
HunterMarkus
AH fanatic
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- Nov 5, 2015
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- 681
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- 69
King Arthur was about to embark on a long crusade. Before doing so he called to Merlin to devise a cunning chastity belt for Gwenivere. The belt contained a miniture guillotine.
Upon his return, he called to his Knights of the Round Table and had them all strip from the waist down. One by one, he went to each knight and shook his head, telling all those whose members were missing to get out of his sight.
That is until he came up to Lancelot. Seeing that Lancelot was intact, he exclaimed, ''Now I knew I could count on you to be trusted. Name anything at all and it is yours.''
Lancelot replied '' UNGH!UH! UNGH!'''
Upon his return, he called to his Knights of the Round Table and had them all strip from the waist down. One by one, he went to each knight and shook his head, telling all those whose members were missing to get out of his sight.
That is until he came up to Lancelot. Seeing that Lancelot was intact, he exclaimed, ''Now I knew I could count on you to be trusted. Name anything at all and it is yours.''
Lancelot replied '' UNGH!UH! UNGH!'''
HunterMarkus
AH fanatic
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- Nov 5, 2015
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- 681
- Reaction score
- 69
Q: What has 18 legs and catches flies?
A: A baseball team.
A: A baseball team.
HunterMarkus
AH fanatic
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- Nov 5, 2015
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- 681
- Reaction score
- 69
Q: Why did the referee stop the leper hockey game?
A: There was a face-off in the corner.
A: There was a face-off in the corner.
HunterMarkus
AH fanatic
- Joined
- Nov 5, 2015
- Messages
- 681
- Reaction score
- 69
A man named Jed went hunting near the border of Alabama and Georgia. When he was going back to his truck, a game warden came up to him and asked him what he had in the sack.
"Three rabbits," Jed said.
The warden said, "Let me see one of those rabbits."
So Jed pulled out one of the rabbits. The warden stuck his finger in the rabbit's butthole, pulled it out, smelled it and said, "This is a Georgia rabbit."
Then the warden said, "Let me see your Georgia huntin' license."
So Jed showed him. Then the warden said, "Let me see another one of those rabbits."
So Jed pulled out another rabbit.
Then the warden stuck his finger in the rabbit's bunghole, tasted it and said, "This is a Alamba rabbit. Let me see your Alamba huntin' license."
So Jed showed them to him. Then the Warden said, "Where you from boy?"
So Jed pulled his pants down and said, "You figure it out!"
"Three rabbits," Jed said.
The warden said, "Let me see one of those rabbits."
So Jed pulled out one of the rabbits. The warden stuck his finger in the rabbit's butthole, pulled it out, smelled it and said, "This is a Georgia rabbit."
Then the warden said, "Let me see your Georgia huntin' license."
So Jed showed him. Then the warden said, "Let me see another one of those rabbits."
So Jed pulled out another rabbit.
Then the warden stuck his finger in the rabbit's bunghole, tasted it and said, "This is a Alamba rabbit. Let me see your Alamba huntin' license."
So Jed showed them to him. Then the Warden said, "Where you from boy?"
So Jed pulled his pants down and said, "You figure it out!"
HunterMarkus
AH fanatic
- Joined
- Nov 5, 2015
- Messages
- 681
- Reaction score
- 69
There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot.
Velo Dog
AH legend
My ex mother-in-law.
Bullthrower338
AH ambassador
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- Sep 20, 2014
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- 5,652
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- 16,309
- Location
- Houston, Texas and Alder, MT
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- Life Member Rocky Mountain Elk Foundation, NRA, Huntin' Fool, DSC and Pope and Young Club
- Hunted
- USA, Mexico, Canada, RSA, Australia NT, Zimbabwe
A polar bear cub walks in the den and asks his mom while she is doing dishes and asks her " am I a real polar bear?"
She says of course, I'm a polar bear, your dads a polar bear, that makes you a polar bear!
"But am I 100% polar bear?"
She says " I don't have time for these questions, go ask your Dad!"
So the cub goes in the den where his dad is watching TV " hey Pop, am I a real polar bear?"
"I'm a polar bear, your moms a polar bear and both of our parents were all polar bears, why do you ask?"
the cub replies
"Cuz I'm fkn freezing man!"
She says of course, I'm a polar bear, your dads a polar bear, that makes you a polar bear!
"But am I 100% polar bear?"
She says " I don't have time for these questions, go ask your Dad!"
So the cub goes in the den where his dad is watching TV " hey Pop, am I a real polar bear?"
"I'm a polar bear, your moms a polar bear and both of our parents were all polar bears, why do you ask?"
the cub replies
"Cuz I'm fkn freezing man!"
HunterMarkus
AH fanatic
- Joined
- Nov 5, 2015
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- 681
- Reaction score
- 69
A farmer walks into a bar with a horse. He says, "I will give any of you $1,000 if you can make my horse laugh."
A man yells, "I'll take that bet," and leads the horse into the men's room.
After a couple seconds, a loud braying laugh is heard from behind the door. The farmer screams to the man, "OK, I'll give you $2,000 if you can make my horse cry."
The man shouts, "You're on!"
After a few more seconds, the man exits with the horse trudging behind him with tears streaming down his long-snout. Flabbergasted, the farmer asks, "How did you do it?"
The man replies, "I said that my d**k was bigger than his and he laughed. Then I showed it to him."
A man yells, "I'll take that bet," and leads the horse into the men's room.
After a couple seconds, a loud braying laugh is heard from behind the door. The farmer screams to the man, "OK, I'll give you $2,000 if you can make my horse cry."
The man shouts, "You're on!"
After a few more seconds, the man exits with the horse trudging behind him with tears streaming down his long-snout. Flabbergasted, the farmer asks, "How did you do it?"
The man replies, "I said that my d**k was bigger than his and he laughed. Then I showed it to him."
HunterMarkus
AH fanatic
- Joined
- Nov 5, 2015
- Messages
- 681
- Reaction score
- 69
A man walks into a bar with a cheese sandwich under his arm. "A pint of Guinness for me and the cheese sandwich," he says to the barman.
"I'm sorry, sir," replies the barman, "we don't serve food in here."
"I'm sorry, sir," replies the barman, "we don't serve food in here."
HunterMarkus
AH fanatic
- Joined
- Nov 5, 2015
- Messages
- 681
- Reaction score
- 69
Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one says, "I'll have a pint of blood."
The second one says, "I'll have one, too."
The third one says, "I'll have a pint of plasma."
The bartender says, "So, that'll be two Bloods and a Blood Lite?"
The second one says, "I'll have one, too."
The third one says, "I'll have a pint of plasma."
The bartender says, "So, that'll be two Bloods and a Blood Lite?"
HunterMarkus
AH fanatic
- Joined
- Nov 5, 2015
- Messages
- 681
- Reaction score
- 69
A gorilla walks into a bar and says, "A scotch on the rocks, please." The gorilla hands the bartender a $10 bill.
The bartender thinks to himself, "This gorilla doesn't know the prices of drinks," and gives him 15 cents change.
The bartender says, "You know, we don't get too many gorillas in here."
The gorilla replies, "Well, at $9.85 a drink, I ain't coming back, either."
The bartender thinks to himself, "This gorilla doesn't know the prices of drinks," and gives him 15 cents change.
The bartender says, "You know, we don't get too many gorillas in here."
The gorilla replies, "Well, at $9.85 a drink, I ain't coming back, either."
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5-15 May
or 5-15 June is open!
shoot me a message for a good deal!