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Kulula Airlines

This is a discussion on Kulula Airlines within the Humorous Jokes, Stories or Pictures forums, part of the GENERAL category; Hope you get a laugh out of this....I did. Has anybody flown with these guys? WHAT A PITY KULULA DOESN'T ...

  1. #1
    timbear is online now AH Enthusiast
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    Hope you get a laugh out of this....I did. Has anybody flown with these guys?




    WHAT A PITY KULULA DOESN'T FLY INTERNATIONALLY - WE SHOULD SUPPORT THEM IF ONLY FOR THEIR HUMOR


    Kulula is an Airline with head office situated in Johannesburg. Kulula airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining.

    Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:


    On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced,
    "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"

    ---o0o---

    On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said,
    "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

    ----o0o---

    On landing, the stewardess said,
    "Please be sure to take all of your belongings.. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."

    ----o0o---

    "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane."

    ---o0o---

    "Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

    ---o0o---

    As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport , a lone voice came over the loudspeaker:
    "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

    ---o0o--

    After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the Karoo, a flight attendant on a flight announced,
    "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

    ---o0o---

    From a Kulula employee:
    "Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

    ---o0o---

    "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."

    ---o0o---

    "Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines."

    ----o0o---

    "Your seats cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."

    ---o0o---
    "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.."

    ---o0o---

    And from the pilot during his welcome message:
    "Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"

    ---o0o

    Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landing in Cape Town : The flight attendant came on the intercom and said,
    "That was quite a bump and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."

    ---o0o

    Overheard on a Kulula flight into Cape Town, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said,
    "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"

    ---o0o

    Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

    ---o0o

    An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline". He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said,
    "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?"
    "Why, no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?"
    The little old lady said,
    "Did we land, or were we shot down?"

    ---o0o

    After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg , the attendant came on with,
    "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.."

    ---o0o

    Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement:
    "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today.. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of Kulula Airways."

    ---o0o

    Heard on a Kulula flight:
    "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing.. If you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."
    Overkill is underestimated!

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    But........ I don't think they will take your firearms..
    Terry Blauwkamp

    If I can be of any help, feel free to email me or call me weekdays at 616-896-6500.

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    Kulula does not take firearms but they are a joy to fly with. You will recognize their planes everywhere. They are painted in camo and have signs stating "exit"; "this side UP"; "pilot" etc all over the plane.

    The are a first rate outfit and they have great pilots.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fritz Rabe View Post
    Kulula does not take firearms but they are a joy to fly with. You will recognize their planes everywhere. They are painted in camo and have signs stating "exit"; "this side UP"; "pilot" etc all over the plane.

    The are a first rate outfit and they have great pilots.
    You are right, they are hilarious to look at, too. I tried to get the photos on the initial message but failed. I hope it works better this time.
    Kulula 1.jpgKulula 2.jpgKulula 3.jpgKulula 4.jpgKulula 5.jpgKulula 6.jpgKulula 7.jpgKulula 8.jpg
    Overkill is underestimated!

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    I was confused for a second about another airline that I flew with in RSA because those quick landings sounded so familiar.

    1time Air. A very apt name for the airline in my estimation and certainly describes my intentions toward them.

    The landing in Cape Town was the hardest landing I have ever encountered in any air travel. I actually got nervous.

    Walking into the terminal I had to wait to see who was flying the plane.
    Sure enough, there is a guy dressed up like a pilot who looked like he was still in High School.
    Practice whispering before you leave for Africa!
    A Legend in my own mind!

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    Good humor

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    Kulula is great! A real joy to fly with.

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